Tochukwu Ekoh: What We Lose When We Evolve

Tochukwu Ekoh: What We Lose When We Evolve

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I think about how little moments in our lives can be used to compare bigger things. I think about the multiple transitions we’ve made, from childhood to adulthood, and the times we’ve found ourselves in unfamiliar places, but we’ve managed to adapt. I remember when I was in primary one as a child, but still wearing my nursery school uniform because my primary uniform had not arrived. In my school, we purchased the uniforms from the school. As everyone else looked like they belonged, I didn’t. But I sat in class, learned, even though something felt off, like I hadn’t arrived yet. One day, I was called to receive my uniform. Although it didn’t fit properly, in that moment, I felt as if I belonged with my classmates.
Looking back now, I realise that those moments, those transitions, form or shape the human need to have something to feel like we are where we are supposed to be. As adults, we transition and switch uniforms; we move into new phases, new careers, new environments, new relationships, and sometimes we find ourselves in spaces where we are present but not fully settled. Like we are waiting for something to happen before we can finally say, “Yes, this is me.”
But I also think about what transitions do to humans, and how we lose track of who we are as we evolve and change. As adaptable creatures, we follow the world as it moves, people as they evolve and expectations as they change. Meanwhile, as we adapt to the world and the evolution of people, we forget the previous version of ourselves, the skin we had before we adapted to the new one. Some have become people they don’t recognise anymore. Some became versions of themselves they never liked. Some became better people, too.
I was reminded of a previous version of myself when I met a classmate from junior secondary school recently. He told me he remembered how much I loved my own company, how often I read novels and how I was drawn to stories. He’s not surprised that I’m now a writer. However, he mentioned that I used to sleep a lot, which I found surprising and hard to believe, since sleep doesn’t come easily to me now. 
For a moment, I was shocked because while he reminded me of something soft, only God knows what other parts of myself are now lost. Maybe I haven’t changed as much as. Maybe the core of who I am never really left. Maybe it was just buried under everything I had to become. I have met people in life who have told me, “You’ve changed.” I have also met people who see me now and say, “This makes sense. This is who you were always becoming.”
Both reveal that not every transition in life results in a loss; some can be distortions or mere layers that conceal who we truly are. It’s important to acknowledge that we can never fully revert to our former selves. That previous version of us was not without flaws, as it faced its own struggles, insecurities, and limitations. We may find that we no longer need to reclaim parts of ourselves that have changed.
I don’t need to long for what these life transitions have altered in me. I recognise that I used to cherish my own company, enjoy reading stories, and engage in writing. Despite everything, those aspects of me still exist. Perhaps we don’t need to return to who we once were. Instead, we should focus on taking the authentic parts of ourselves—those untouched by pressure and expectation—and carry them forward into the person we are becoming.
 
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Featured Image by Ken Zero for Pexels
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